What are you afraid of?
Welcome to exhibition #3!
As a reminder, if you’d like to engage with entries please leave a comment at the bottom of the page or, if you fancy, share thoughts / fears using your voice.
<3
Mary & Ilaria
P.S.
We’ve sprinkled some externally created things into this exhibition. These will be marked in blue! We hope you enjoy!
“The terrible and the terrific spring from the same source… What grants life its beauty and magic is not the absence of terror and tumult but the grace and elegance with which we navigate the gauntlet.”
Reflections
-
I am afraid of being left behind being surrounded by people but no one who I can trust no one who truly cares. I'm afraid that if I one day disappear no one will care, the world will go on the same for everyone and i will be forgotten.
-
Mountain lions. I am unequivocally and deathly afraid of mountain lions. I have never seen one, but I frequently hike and camp in areas they inhabit. I can’t quite pin point the start of this seemingly aberrant fear. I have seen my fair share of bears (and had a scary grizzly bear encounter); however, it is only mountain lions that really terrify me when I’m in the woods (men too, but I think that’s a shared fear among women). For about two years I would have nightmares about mountain lions. There was a period of three months in 2022 when I had a reoccurring nightmare about a mountain lion attacking me. I spoke to many, many people about my mountain lion-phobia. It just seemed absurd. Why on earth was I so afraid of mountain lions? I started researching them. I thought “if I know more about them they won’t seem so scary.” Incorrect. My research didn’t help assuage my fears. I couldn’t figure out why this one animal was terrorizing me even when I was living in a city — hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from any mountain lions.
After months of research and reflection, I compiled my notes and journal entries and (finally) had a revelation (yes, I know this sounds dramatic but it truly was a lightbulb moment for me): mountain lions are unpredictable and I hate being out of control. All nature/hiking/camping guides say “if you see a mountain lion, the only advice is don’t run but beyond that…good luck and hope they’re not hungry or aggressive that day.” I even spoke to Yosemite National Park Rangers about what to do if you encounter mountain lions and they just said “don’t wear your hair in a ponytail because it looks like a tail they want to chase.” Suffice it to say I wore my hair in braids for 8 weeks straight while I was backpacking through the park. In those nightmares I mentioned, there was nothing I could do to stop the predator from attacking. No matter how many articles I read or experts I talked to, no one had advice for how to deal with a mountain lion. I hated this. I still hate this. I drives me insane that there is nothing I can do or say to stop a mountain lion from hurting me. I don’t think I’m any sort of “animal-whisperer”, but for most other “dangerous” animals I see in the outdoors, I know how to deescalate the situation. I know how to mitigate (if not completely eliminate) the chance they will hurt me. I don’t have this knowledge with mountain lions because it doesn’t exist. Sure, if you hike in big groups you’ll decrease the chance of an encounter, but that’s not enough for me. It terrifies me that if I do encounter a mountain lion, I can’t do anything but hope. This fear has demonstrated that I am not a very trusting or hopeful person.
The mountain lion represents my fear of being helpless. When I connected the dots between needing control and mountain lions, the nightmares stopped. I haven’t had one in almost two years. Identifying the crux of the fear apparently calmed down my subconscious. But, I am still really fucking scared of mountain lions. -
~ English translation below ~
Polisindeto
È un totale controsenso quando cerco di pensarci l’unica cosa che mi viene in mente è che ho paura di vivere e di non vivere, di essere felice e di non essere felice, di usare il tempo e di non sprecare il tempo. Forse ho paura di non saper vivere o di non saper essere felice o di non saper usarlo questo tempo e so che non c’è un modo giusto per farlo ma io ho paura di sbagliare. Ho paura di sbagliare a vivere e quindi non vivo per non dover sbagliare a vivere e ho paura di sbagliare ad essere felice e ho paura di essere felice e ho paura di guardarmi indietro di non essere mai stata felice e di non aver vissuto. E non so cosa sia la felicità, non so cosa voglia dire vivere e non so cosa voglia dire usare il tempo, io ho solo paura di non saperlo fare e ho solo paura di sbagliare a farlo e di non farlo per paura di sbagliare.
- Polysyndeton
It's a complete paradox when I try to think about it. The only thing that comes to mind is that I'm afraid of living and not living, of being happy and not being happy, of using time and not wasting this time. Perhaps I'm afraid of not knowing how to live or how to be happy or how to use this time, and I know there isn't a right way to do it, but I'm afraid of making mistakes. I'm afraid of failing to live life at the fullest, and because of this fear I tend to avoid “living”. I'm afraid of making mistakes in being happy and I'm afraid of being happy and I'm afraid of looking back and never having been happy and never having lived. And I don't know what happiness is, I don't know what it means to live, and I don't know what it means to use time. I'm just afraid of not knowing how to do it, and I'm just afraid of making mistakes in doing it and of not doing it out of fear of making mistakes. -
This is a difficult question for me. Let me think… I’m not afraid of the death. I’m not afraid of animals.
But yes, I’m afraid of the pain of illness. How bad can be to be sick and have pain in your body and soul!
Moreover, if I imagine myself in a world without anybody, yes, this makes me afraid.
What if the pollution destroy slowly our planet? What if a nuclear bomb kills every species on this earth? New generation, please take care of the earth and keep the peace on it. The two things go together. Will you save the world? -
This feels like a funny thing to admit here but I’m sometimes afraid this whole project, this idea being nurtured, this platform... stranger bound! I’m sometimes afraid it’s going to fail.
Upon a closer look, it’s perhaps more a fear that I’m going to fumble the ball, make a mistake that lets people down, or just wash up looking totally imperfect and ridiculous. Even as I write this, there’s some fear that I’m being somewhat egotistical or taking up too much space or centering myself too much? Is any of this of value? Does it bring anything good into the world?
The irony is not lost on me and this is not what I expected to write or do for this exploration... but here we are :).
I can certainty extend some of my fears wrapped up in this project to other areas of my life... I hope to build a life that is nourishing and fulfilling and be someone that helps others do the same. This gives me hope and reason to venture into this uncertain realm of experimentation.
As I read back these words, I’m reminded of the intention we set out with. An intention I hope to protect as we continue on. To create a space that celebrates imperfection. A space that invites vulnerability and makes room for it to be seen. So here I am, sharing what’s so for me right now.
I'd like to let be and let free this idea that every exploration and moment moving forward will be free from curve balls, slow downs, or doubt. I'd like to consider these moments might be a rich source for my own learning and growth.
If you’re reading this, thanks for taking the time and being here with us. I’m excited for what lies ahead and hope this can continue be a space for us all to reflect, connect, and play.
Creations:
01 — the Scared is scared — Bianca Giaever
02 — Ho paura — ila (Bologna, Italy)
Treccani ci definisce la paura come uno stato emotivo consistente in un senso di insicurezza, di smarrimento e di ansia. È un emozione improvvisa.
È un emozione improvvisa? Oppure la senti nascosta dentro di te, nel subconsio, che uno cerca di reprimere?
È un termine ombrello, che copre: l’ambivalenza dell’ansia, la ritrosia del timore, la specificità della fobia, lo scatenamento del panico.
E la paura della paura? La paura serve. Ti sprona, ti spinge, ti stimola, ti sollecita. Senza la paura, è la stessa la soddisfazione? Senza la paura, sviluppi gli istinti? Senza la paura, sai prottegerti?
Le paure sono infinite. Le paure evolvono. Da piccola, la mia paura più grande erano le vertigini, una paura fisica, tangibile. Crescendo non è scomparsa del tutto, però prevalgono più le paure del mondo, del divenire. Ciò che non si può circoscrivere entro dei confini con una definizione statica.
Ma soprattuto le paure finiscono, possono essere sconfitte. Come? Non credo ci sia una sola risposta. Credo solo che si possano, in piccolo o in grande, sorpassare.
Adesso per esempio ho paura di finire la tesi, quindi vi saluto e alla prossima…ciaoo
*per chi mi conosce potrà sapere di un’altra mia paura, o insicurezza–l’italiano. Linguaggio con il quale sono perennemente in lotta, ma che oggi ho voluto cimentarmi.
-
According to Treccani, fear is defined as an emotional state characterized by a sense of insecurity, confusion, and anxiety. Is it a sudden emotion? Or is it something hidden deep within, in the subconscious, that one tries to suppress?
Fear is an umbrella term that encompasses: the ambivalence of anxiety, the reluctance of fear, the specificity of phobia, the onset of panic.
What about the fear of fear itself? Fear serves a purpose. It urges you on, pushes you, stimulates you, prompts you. Without fear, is satisfaction the same? Without fear, do instincts develop? Without fear, do you know how to protect yourself?
Fears are infinite. Fears evolve. When I was young, my biggest fear was vertigo, a physical, tangible fear. Growing up, it hasn't completely disappeared, but the fears of the world, of becoming, prevail more. What cannot be confined within boundaries with a static definition.
But above all, fears end, they can be defeated. How? I don't think there's a single answer. I just believe they can be overcome, in small or large ways.
Right now, for example, I'm afraid of finishing my thesis, so I'll say goodbye for now... ciao!
03 — Anonymous
I'm afraid of forgetting.
Forgetting someone, something, the sensations, thoughts and emotions that arose in particular situations, abandoning a sweet page of the book of my life to oblivion. I love emotions and their intensity, even if they are old. I reflected on the temporality of things, it would be normal to forget, but at this moment it scares me.
I don't know if I would prefer to live without this dread, I've never consider it; I'm nostalgic, perhaps too much, however I'm this style of person, and I suppose that the past is an excellent criterion for living in the present, without necessarily having to replicate it, only as a yardstick, to avoid mistakes. But that's just my point of view.
04 — Anonymous
